My Special Relationship

How many times on the news have we heard a political analyst talking about 'the special relationship' between the UK and America?  Is it still there? Is is still as strong as we have a different Prime Minister or President?  Does it even exist?

Some of those questions will perhaps never be answered but I do know that in my life I am very blessed.  I have my own special relationship.  It is not with my other half (thought I love him lots), with my children or with my amazing friends but with a lady who although she is more than double my age still astounds me.  This lady is small in stature but big in heart, she has an opinion on everything but will still listen, and her family comes before everything.  This lady is my Grandmother.

Born in Hungary she has stories to tell of her life that would not be believed if they were made into a film.  She has lived through so much, but she is a survivor and when she talks it means more than any history books.  Her voice is instantly recognisable as she has never completely lost her accent, but this makes her stand out.  In Hungarian the word for grandmother is 'Omi' and not only do I call her that, but when I was growing up all my friends did as well.  Those childhood friends still call her Omi today because she has a special place in their hearts.

So much has changed in her lifetime and some things have been easier to adapt to than others. A mobile phone that is never switched on slightly defeats the purpose of having one, but the recent acquisition of an iPad was far more successful. 

We have differing views in so many areas, but however much we 'discuss' things very loudly on the phone, at the end of the conversation no one is offended and we both know we can say whatever we want to each other.

My grandmother is a true force of nature.  She is independent and feisty, she will not take any nonsense from anyone, and if she is not happy about something she is not afraid to say so.  She is also tactile,  warm and  caring, and her love for her family is immeasurable. I feel so lucky to have her in my life and this is my way of saying thank you for everything.

Playing Means More than Just Fun

Once the boys had moved beyond more than just eating, sleeping and needing a nappy change their day was filled first with rattles and squeaky toys and then with noisy musical things which all seemed to play the same tune!  As they have grown up play has been integral to their learning and has taught them so much without them even realising it.

The importance of play cannot be underestimated, but it is time consuming and sometimes difficult for parents to know how to play with their children.  Ribena did a study over of over 2,000 parents and (in their Ribena Plus Play Report) whilst 92% believe imaginary play is important 16% don't know how to create it. In fact there is so little to create.  If you follow your child's lead they will take you into their new world with whatever it holds and often they just want you to be there to go along for the ride. Whatever jobs need to be done, they will not go anywhere, and whilst 27% of parents feel guilty for playing instead of doings chores, why not leave them for a few minutes and have some fun! It is hard when we worry about everything we have to do, but the time with the children won't come back and sometimes having some fun with them relaxes us so it makes it easier to go back to the essentials.

In my old work I used to have a lot of large cardboard boxes to package items for courier deliveries.  The minute the box was left lying around it became my son's new best toy.  It was a place to hide, a home for his teddy bears, and it is a shame that Ribena's report show only 13% of kids still play with household items whilst 70% play video games and 90% watch DVDs.  

What is good though is that Ribena want to encourage parents to 'rediscover the joys of exploratory play' and there are downloadable help sheets on the Ribena Plus website http://blog.ribena.co.uk/posts/the-ribena-plus-play-report/
 to give ideas and tips for easy play ideas that are fun and inexpensive.  There are so many pressures on all of us, and with 30% of parents aware their kids spend too much time watching TV let's get Ribena to help and get back to playing.

Control Freak or Organised Genius?

Yesterday morning as I walked into the house just after nine o'clock I could feel the quiet and the calm enveloping me. All the boys were back at school and order had been restored.  Don't get me wrong, I love the school holidays.  For a start there is no alarm clock reminding me that although it is only 6.30am I still need to get up, and there are none of the time constraints of term time.  If my youngest goes to bed twenty minutes after his normal time it doesn't matter, and if we leave the house fifteen minutes later than planned it isn't a problem.  However, everything is very vague during the holidays.  Arrangements are planned last minute and the catering department never knows quite how many it needs to supply food to. 

Whilst it is great for the boys to be busy and socialising I have to admit that I am not very good with vague, or to put it another way I think my family consider me to be a bit (or perhaps a lot) of a control freak.  When I go to bed  quite often I am thinking about the following day.  Have the older ones got their ingredients for Food Tech?  Has my middle one checked the time for his trumpet lesson?  Do I have enough bread for sandwiches or do I need to leave my nice warm duvet and get a loaf out from the freezer?  I know these questions are mundane but they are what keep the wheels turning.

It's funny how easily I am mocked but how many mornings before I even get a "Morning Mum" does someone say "I can't find any school socks" or "Is my PE top ready as I need it now?"  That is usually the one I found caked in mud on the floor under a pile of other unmentionable clothes three days earlier, which I was kind enough to wash.

I know that I am the one who needs some sense of order and routine probably to feel as though I am on top of things.  I am not good with clutter and whenever something is lost it is assumed that I have binned it!  To this accusation I will maintain a dignified silence but my logic is that if it is tidy it has to be easier to find a memory stick or piece of homework. 

Although I have an iPhone any arrangements, appointments, school trips or social events are in an old fashioned diary.  Everything is in one place and accessible to all but funnily no-one else ever seems to know what is going on.  With 5 other people at home there is a lot of repetition of the same questions such as  "What are we doing this weekend?"  My other half is happy to socialise but doesn't deem it important enough to actually remember who we are seeing and where we are going and when I tell him he still doesn't remember.   By the time he is asking me for the third time which restaurant we are eating in I could happily throttle him, and if we need a babysitter the magic fairy is brilliant at booking her.    

It is the little things which get organised and done that no-one questions.  Miraculously when there is a birthday or a party a present and card appear, revision books arrive in the post just as they are needed, money is always ready to top up oyster cards on a Monday morning and although there were only a few drops of milk in the fridge in the morning there is another bottle ready to be opened by the afternoon. 

Perhaps doing these things is just part of being a parent or being organised, perhaps as my family seem to think it makes me a control monster, but either way it means things normally happen on time with everyone in the right place, taking the necessary items with them, and knowing what they should be doing.

An Easy Easter?

I am under no illusions that in my house it is impossible to please all the people all the time.  In fact if I can get to 75% I think I am doing a pretty good job.  On a day to day basis this is pretty do-able but over a long bank holiday weekend it is lot more demanding.

Weather plays a big part on the equanimity of my brood.  A bit of sunshine and a decent temperature and everyone is far more positive about the possibility of venturing out.  However if it is cold enough to need the heating on and the rain hasn't stopped since the night before it is not so easy.

This weekend was not helped by the fact I wasn't well.  My youngest kindly gave me his sickness bug and without going into too many gory details I was fit for nothing and spent most of the Friday in bed. As any parent knows this is not a decision taken lightly and thinking back I am sure the last time I was in bed in all day I was in labour giving birth to said youngest! 

Things did pick up and apart from one (who had wrangled tickets to a football match) the rest of us managed a few hours out with friends on Sunday afternoon which was good fun.  There had been the normal complaints prior to leaving but this is standard and I try to not to get riled by it, although I do sometimes wonder if I ever complained as much.  Perhaps my perceptions have changed over the years but I always thought going out was quite fun!  Anyway, we went out, everyone seemed to have a good time and we all returned home quite upbeat which meant only one day left of the long weekend.

I awoke to the dreaded sound of heavy rain against the window and knew it was going to be a very long day.  Nobody knew what they wanted to do, and none of the boys were happy with any suggestions put to them (obviously at this point Duvet Boy was still asleep so didn't take part in this discussion).  

Plans were made but there was a lot of bickering and arguing.  It was one of those days when referee would have been a better title than parent, and it wasn't helped by the fact that my other half could smile quietly to himself whilst all this is going on as he knows tomorrow is escape day.  He will have left before any of the boys are up, and won't return until youngest is going to bed and the others have hopefully mellowed.  

Of course we survived in tact even if some of us finished more stressed than others.  Planning is being finalised for the remainder of the holidays and usual duties will be resumed in the morning.  I think that under the circumstances things went as well as they could have done and now I am just hoping for a bit of sunshine before the May bank holiday.

Planning & Children Don't Mix

I don't know if it is because I am a parent or just that I have become cynical in my old age but I have come to the conclusion that it is not worth planning anything.

Take today as an example, and bear in mind that it is only day two of the school holidays.  Last night Duvet Boy made plans to go to the cinema with his friend who was coming back to us afterwards.  Twin brother was also texting late and by 10pm had arranged to meet a friend and he was coming back for a sleepover, whilst middle son's day included the cinema and friend over with friend leaving early enough for him to go to football training.  My youngest was at camp and it was my turn to collect, so was bringing him back with his friend.  Everyone was busy and happy and all I needed to worry about was ensuring there was enough food for seven children, so a giant Spaghetti Bolognaise seemed like a good idea as this always goes down well.

However peace and equilibrium do not last long.  Duvet Boy cancels arrangements with friend as I won't drop him at the station and he won't walk, so he is home grumpy and still not doing the GCSE revision I am stressing about.  His twin then postpones his plans as his friend is being diligent and working and everything becomes too late to make it worthwhile.  Thankfully middle son goes off and has a good day, so he is cheerful.  When I collect my youngest and his friend they are chatty and happy in the car. Shortly after we arrive back a friend of mine (yippee!) unexpectedly pops in for a quick coffee which is lovely as I haven't seen her for ages.  Just as we sit down my littlest man comes in telling me he feels sick.  As he is known at home as Hypochondria Man I do not take this seriously until he goes ashen and is actually ill.  Thankfully my friend is a good one and this is not the first of my children she has seen throwing up!  Youngest goes to bed unnaturally early leaving big concerns over 4am start to tomorrow but I can't worry about that at this point as I have tried to be organised and the oldest two have an appointment at the barber.  Not able to take little man with me I can't drop them off.  As you may have guessed already, Duvet Boy refuses to go as the 15 minute walk may do some permanent damage, so his brother braves the elements on his own.  This is fine until he needs to come back and the heavens open up.  Even I take pity at this point and as luck would have it the mobile cry for help coincides with the return of Dad who is despatched out to retrieve soaked teenager.  However on the plus side at least one looks reasonable now and Duvet Boy will be sorting out his own haircut.

And so as we reach the end of the day I have sick child in bed who has been asleep since 5.30, one at football training in the rain, and two at home chilling.  If we are lucky we will fulfil tomorrow's plans and make the dentist appointment I booked 6 months ago to ensure it was during the school holidays.  I know duvet boy will go to this as we have to drive.  The two youngest are meant to be getting hair cuts in the afternoon so fingers crossed for that and the older ones are each tapping on their Blackberry's sorting their afternoons on the basis that I am able to leave the house and chauffeur duties can be resumed.  Is it worth be worrying about accommodating everyone's plans or fitting everything in?  Probably not as today has shown me again what happens to the best laid plans.  My only dilemma now is what to do with my two tons of Bologaise?