Attitude Issues

When my mobile phone rang last week and I could see that it was my older boys' school calling me, my heart dropped. Until this call they had always rung if there was an accident or someone was unwell, but this time it was worse than either of these scenarios as it was a teacher wanting to discuss the attitude of one of my boys.  

The teacher had her say and was very fair and justified in her comments, and the longer the conversation went on the more I felt any worth in my parenting skills diminish.  By the time we had finished I felt physically sick, partly because she was right and largely because of the conversation with my son that I knew I would have to have later on.

Anyone with a teenager knows that they are ALWAYS right and everyone else is wrong.  This either because the other person misunderstood the situation, didn't hear what they said, didn't tell the teenager the correct information, or is just plain stupid!  Even if the sky is blue they will feel completely justified in explaining why it is green and get frustrated with you when you disagree.

When my son arrived home later that afternoon I tried to be relaxed as I knew an argument would not resolve this.  When we started talking there were, as expected reasons to counteract the teacher's points.  He had questioned a decision as he thought it was a waste of time and did not see he was wrong to do so.  I countered with the argument that perhaps it is better to be quiet and not always air your views.  (Having been married a very long time, this is something I have learned to do pretty well).  When I asked him about his poor mock results he told me he had done worse in a mock in a different subject but had good results in the proper exam.  It felt as though we were going round in circles.

I do not want my child to have a bad reputation with the teachers.  He isn't naughty, he is basically lazy.  He has the potential to do really well and the phone call was due to the frustration of the staff at not being able to make him understand why if  he is capable of getting an 'A' he should not be complacent and be satisfied with a 'B'.  

Perhaps this is something he needs to understand for himself.  I cannot do the work for him or sit the exams on his behalf.  I have my fingers tightly crossed but there is only so much I can do.  At some point he has to take responsibility and I hope that when he gets his results he will prove our worries unfounded and that the last laugh is on him and he can remind me again how he is always right!

A Review of 'Me Before You' by Jojo Moyles

In the limited spare time that I have one of the things I enjoy doing most is losing myself in a good book.  Having joined a book club about a year ago my range of reading has definitely widened and there have been quite a few good reads in that time along with one or two less successful ones!  However it is very rare to read something so good that you want to stop everything and stay within the world that the characters in the novel inhabit.

I know that I normally do not do book reviews and no-one has asked me to promote this novel, but I enjoyed it so much that I wanted to share it with you.

'Me Before You' by Jojo Moyles is a beautifully written story about Lou Clark & Will Traynor.  She is a 27 year old woman living at home, happy in her little world until she loses her job and finds herself working as a carer for quadriplegic Will Traynor.  He has been injured two years previously and is bitter about the loss everything in his life that had been important.  From his job and his holidays to his girlfriend there is nothing left.  The story is about their relationship and how it builds and develops from it's very rocky start.

We see how hard the daily routing is for Will and the constant pain he is in.  We watch as Lou learns to help with his medication, how to help feed him and gets to a point of understanding his needs so that it becomes second nature to her.  We see the anguish of Will's mother and the discomfort in the eyes of strangers, but we also see how Will wants to broaden Lou's horizons and how she manages to get him to leave the comfort blanket of the annexe where he lives.  We see the banter between the two of them and the strengthening of their feelings for each other.

Although written mainly through the voice of Lou, there are some other chapters where characters such as her sister or Will's father have their take on what is happening, and this is what helps to make it such a rounded story.  The characters are so real that you feel as if you know them and the dialogue so natural that we could be speaking ourselves.  

However this is more than just a love story.  At the centre of this is a moral dilemma which  will impact on everyone's lives.  (You need to read it to find out what it is).  In my heart I knew what I wanted to happen but in my head I wasn't so sure, and I was hoping as much as Lou for what she wanted.  I laughed and cried, and I finished the book thinking Jojo Moyles had got it completely right.  

Football Family

Sitting at home on a Saturday evening we have somewhat inevitably ended up watching the Champions League Final.  Our family are not Chelsea fans and we have no vested interest in the result as it does not affect our team, so why are sitting here at 10.10 in the evening wondering if we will be watching penalties in a few minutes?

I know many will say that with an all male household (apart from me) I am daft to expect anything else and perhaps I am.  I remember that as soon as they could toddle around the garden the boys would instinctively kick any ball they saw.  This wasn't me showing them or influence from anywhere, it was just something they did.

All the boys love football.  Each one has played for the school, in a local team or in an after school club and if they are not actually kicking the ball they are watching football, discussing it, putting comments on Facebook & Twitter, or winding up their friends in a text.

Football is all consuming and last weekend when Manchester United lost, won and finally lost the league title to their rivals there was an air of depression.  Any true fan will know this is not an exaggeration as the strength of feeling by a supporter cannot be underestimated.  I remember my brother at a pay phone from a school trip calling my parents in tears as his team had lost the FA Cup.

As I am writing this the two teams have just finished extra time and now it is penalties.  This is often the time I have peered through my fingers and I ask the boys what is happening.  I am not as good as them at the stressful bits of the games!

After tonight the focus will be on the Euros and then the discussion will be on any signings and changes before the new season begins again.  Football never really disappears it just has slightly less prominence in our lives. 

As I sit here Chelsea have just won the Champions League and perhaps now I can subtly turn over the TV to something else!  Tomorrow we have our own end of season presentation to go to and then we will have our weekend back for a few weeks before it all starts again.  Whoever it was that said that football is more than just a game must have been looking through our window.

Getting Ready To Go Out Is No longer Glamorous

Like most people if I am given the opportunity to go out and have a good time it is very rare for me to say no, and whilst I am out it's great, but quite often the time before you leave can make you wonder if it's all worthwhile.

Last night I was fortunate to be invited to a function and whilst it was amazing when I was there, before I left I still needed to make sure supper was on the table and the boys were organised, know that homework was being done and that I was sorted for the school run the following morning. I do like to think I am quite organised but even I began to panic when I was still cooking at 5pm and was meant to be leaving at 5.30!  It is hard to be glamorous when there is never more than twenty minutes, and if I am undecided about a dress or accessories it spells big trouble!

This is compounded when there is a  family event where everyone has to dress up. A few months ago I had bought a new shirt for one of the twins and asked him to try it on.  He told me it fitted perfectly, but somehow when it came to wearing it a week later it was too narrow and the sleeves were too short! Obviously we had a deadline to get out of the house, were already running late and I hadn't even thought about getting dressed so what could I do?  Could he swap with Duvet Boy?  Definitely not!  Hell would freeze over before they shared clothes so I wasn't even going to attempt asking.  Instead, with the minutes ticking away we had to start trawling in his wardrobe hoping I had missed something or praying the clothes fairy visited whilst I was asleep.  In the end as the clothes fairy had been on a day off we had to go with a white school shirt and hope for the best.

Dress disasters are nothing new and in our home definitely not limited to me.  A hem that has come down on trousers or a growth spurt that means they are too short is always a worry.  The older boys are very specific in what they like to wear but not always happy to go shopping.  I gave up buying clothes for them on my own a long time ago because either they didn't approve or the items just didn't fit, but knowing you have a function to go to it is hard to know when to drag them out shopping.  Too early and they may grow, too late and they make not have the size or colour wanted.

I always find that no matter how much time I think I have it is never enough.  This is probably because everyone wants me for something and for some reason I become the focal point of the whole house.  The youngest needs me to get his clothes as he isn't sure what he is wearing, whilst my middle one knows what he is wearing but cannot find anything unless it is literally under his nose.  Meanwhile Duvet Boy is incapable of moving at more than a snail's pace but takes the longest time to preen himself and even my other half will be asking me if his tie matches or his hair is ok.

When I finally get round to sorting myself out I choose my make up on the basis of what can and cannot be finished off in the car, check my legs don't need a last minute shave or that I haven't found a previously unseen ladder in my tights and then ensure that I can hide in the bathroom for long enough to put my clothes on in peace.  Naturally by the time I am in the bathroom my other half is ready and nagging me to leave, but being a dutiful wife I ignore him.

Finally everyone is ready and although not necessarily eager, still clean and tidy enough to leave.  A last minute toilet run for the youngest, and a final check in the mirror from the older ones and we can go.  This just leaves the pleasures of the Sat Nav and traffic on the M25, but that is another story.

Party Time

Although I know you don't get to pick when your baby arrives, it does make life quite difficult when all four of your boys have their birthdays within a three week period.  In fact as I was being induced with my middle one I remember asking the rather bewildered registrar to change the planned date so I could ensure I was home and organised for the twins 3rd birthday party!  To be fair he did oblige, my middle one arrived safely and I was able to be at the party and make sure the twins had a good day.

As there is a bigger gap between my middle and youngest, by the time he became old enough for a party I had been out of the loop for quite a long time.  Walking into the first nursery party he had been invited to I felt a sense of dread seeing all the food out on the side, and that was only for the parents! The idea of starting again with loads of pre-school children and their parents did not inspire me with joy, but once he was in an environment where all his nursery friends were having them it is almost impossible to avoid it yourself.  As my youngest got older he became far more aware of his birthday.  It is not that he is precocious and wants lots of things but he loves having all his friends with him and although his birthday is not until November he has already mentioned the possibility of a football party.  With six months to go I refuse to discuss it.

However what happens as they grow out of the entertainer and soft play parties?  Bowling was popular and we have done a few cinema trips with the older ones, and this was fine.  Now the big ones are fifteen there are no more parties unless I am feeling particularly warm and loving when they hit 21, so you would think everything was easy.  Well it was until last week when one of the big ones told me he had been invited to a party, and more importantly he said that there was going to be alcohol there.  Although I was really pleased he had told me I was also nervous and rather naively hadn't expected anything like this yet.  What could I do?  As he had been mature enough to tell me I had to treat him in an adult fashion.  We discussed mixing drinks or having too much and what would happen if he was sick in my car!   What drinks would they have?  Would it be beer, spirits or so perhaps cider?  

At the end of the evening when we collected him he was fine.  He was had enjoyed himself and told us what he had drunk.  Thankfully it wasn't much and after ensuring he had a big glass of water we sent him off to bed for a good sleep.  Perhaps you think I should have stopped him from going but if I did this would he be upfront with me in the future?  At this age it is so hard to know what is going on in a teenagers life that I am pleased that he is happy to talk to me and he needs to know that I trust him. Although we would not have a party where there were drinks it is almost inevitable that they will start going to places where they will have access to it.  They are growing up and now I wish my only worry was what to put inside the going home bags.