Barmitzvah Diary Part 1

In the Jewish faith when a boy is 13 it is traditional for him to have a Bar Mitzvah which signifies his move from child to man.  My middle one Matthew is going to be 13 and at the end of November he will have his Bar Mitzvah.

Depending on how religious you are there are variations on the way this is done, but basically there is a service in the synagogue where the boy has to say prayers and/or do part of the service, and this is followed by a lunch or party for friends and family.

Although this sounds quite straight forward it obviously takes a little bit of organisation!  What happens in the service is largely dictated by the synagogue, but wherever the family belongs there is always a lot of work for the boy.  Passages need to be learnt in Hebrew, which is confusing for no other reason than it must be read backwards from right to left, and when the scrolls are read there is no punctuation.  The words are sung but there is no melody written, which means it all has to be remembered and it is very different from any language learnt in school.  Matthew has started his lessons and fortunately is diligent.  Mainly he listens on his iPod and so far there has only been a limited amount of wailing as he sings his portion.

The other part of the celebration is the party.  This varies from a simple lunch with immediate family to an all singing, all dancing affair in an expensive hotel.  We have tried to go for the middle ground.

As soon as Matthew had his 11th birthday we requested the date we preferred for his Barmitzvah.  The service will take place on the Saturday morning and we wanted to have the party on the Sunday.  We know that the last Monday in November is always an inset day at school and by having our preferred weekend we could all have a lie in and wind down day on the Monday.  Once the date was confirmed we needed a venue.  It seems mad looking so early but there was a disco we had used for the twins and this was already booked when we phoned them two years in advance.

Anyway venue was chosen, disco booked, photographer called and I knew that I had 18 months where I could forget about everything.  That time is now over, and we are getting down to the finer details.  With a Bar Mitzvah it can be less formal than a wedding and quite often there is a theme.  For the twins it was football and specifically Manchester United and for Matt is is something completely different.  When the invitations go out I will tell you what it is, but for now I have to keep quiet, sorry!

It is funny to be thinking about invitations in June for a function in four and a half months but they have to be sent out with enough time for people to reply and and us to give final numbers to the venue.  The names and addresses have to be given by the end of August so the invitation lady has time to make them.  Everything needs to be organised far earlier that you imagine and with the school holidays approaching I would really like to have names and addresses finalised by the time the boys break up.  

Next months we are going to do a food tasting to make sure that the meal we have chosen tastes as good as it sounds so I will update you on progress then as the countdown really begins.

Our Exchange Student

As the boys have got older I have (usually under duress) had quite a few friends sleeping over.  This is normally fine as I know the children and apart from the grumpy and over tired son that I need to contend with on the following morning, it is very rare to have any problems.  I have even managed to have a friend of mine staying with us for a couple of days, but for some reason my family always refuse to sleep here!

On Saturday I have a visitor arriving for six days.  He is a foreign exchange student who has limited English and who I have never met before.  I am sure he is lovely because my eldest stayed with his family last year and they were exceptionally kind and hospitable, but in some ways this makes the return leg even more daunting.  

As I know nothing about  this person how do I know what he is like in the morning?  On a school day I cannot cope with another Duvet Boy as there will be an extra person to get out of the door (OMG that makes 5 boys!).  Will he understand the urgency of being on time for the train?  He doesn't need public transport and with only an older brother away at university is probably not used to the shenanigans that go in my house.  He also needs a packed lunch, but I don't know what he likes to eat.  I don't want him to be hungry and for him to complain to his family that he wasn't fed!

I know that his school have organised some lovely trips into London but also feel we need to do our bit over the weekend.  My eldest was talking of a gathering of all the English and Spanish students on the Saturday evening but who knows what will be organised.  We are doing a tour of Wembley Stadium on Sunday as he loves football and perhaps I can persuade my other half that this is a good Father's Day present for him too?!

If it is a bit daunting for us it must be quite unnerving for him to be living in a strange house for a week.  I am sure the noise will be quite a shock and also long the days.  Every evening he needs collecting him from the station at a different time, and although I understand that different tours take varying amounts of time, logistically it is a nightmare.  The collection can be between 5 and 9pm, so there will be rotas going to make sure he is ok and I will be praying that there are no problems with the underground.

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I am hoping that we will be able to improve his English and that perhaps he will learn less swear words than my eldest on his trip!  To be fair my son's week away definitely helped his Spanish and his confidence improved dramatically.  If we can do the same for his friend we will have done well.  

Now all I need to do is make sure his bed is made up, there is relative calm on his arrival (at least for a little bit) and ensure I have stocked enough food that he likes in the fridge.  Hopefully then we will be fine.

The Last Minute

It is a regular comment to be heard in our house "Why didn't you get all books/find your school shoes/print off your homework last night?"  There is always one child who suddenly remembers that he hasn't done or got something he needs literally as we are meant to walk out of the front door, and I always berate said child on their lack of organisation.  However it suddenly occurred to me that perhaps as I am actually no better than them.

A couple of days ago my youngest had a party to go to.  I had bought the present last week but for some reason had not wrapped it up when I got home.  It sat there until just before we were meant to leave when I suddenly had a panic and thought I didn't have enough wrapping paper.  When I found the paper I couldn't get the price stickers off the boxes as they had been super glued on and then the Sellotape had vanished.  I could feel the stress levels rising but it was all my own fault for waiting until the last minute.

I am always the same when it comes to going out.  I know how long I need to get somewhere and have it in my head and then usually I think that as I have another five minutes before I go I can sort out the washing or finish tidying something.  The problem with this theory is that the job invariably takes longer than anticipated so I am pressured before I start, but do I learn?  Of course not.

I don't think any of us intentionally put pressure on ourselves but perhaps knowing you have time for something makes you relax as you know you can put off doing the work.  I have managed to do this as well!  My eldest was on an exchange last October and I have known for the last six months that the student would be coming to stay with us this June.  We also knew that we needed to sort out the room he would be staying in or he would have nowhere to sleep!  However in October with birthdays, Christmas and the New Year in front of you, the summer seems a very long way away and nothing was done.  The said child is now arriving in ten days.  You will be pleased to know the room is painted and we have a sofa bed.  The furniture is arriving the day before the student so the man delivering can't be ill or have his van break down, and the blinds will hopefully be here next week but need my other half to fit them.  This is an altogether different stress as this is the first time we have ordered made to measure from a shop and I hope they fit.  If not, we will be putting dark material at the window while we argue over who got the measurements wrong!  

Trying to think why everything is so last minute I only need to look at my youngest.  Why does he always need the toilet when I ask him to put his coat on?  He will have gone already but there is a sudden need to go again and this is usually a longer stint in the little boys room.  I am just thankful his school is very close!  As they get older there is the homework finished at midnight or students who have a term to complete an assignment but wait until the week before it is due in to start it.  They then wonder why there are no relevant books left in the library.  When we go to work we always leave the jobs we dislike until the end but that usually means it is right before a deadline.  Knowing we have to do it anyway why not just get it out of the way?  Now there is an annoying job and a pressure to complete it on time.

I know I am not unique in leaving things to the last minute and at least now I hope I may be a little more understanding of my boys when they do the same, although there is the old adage 'Do as I say and not as I do!'